Dust Bunnies and Milk Chunks

I came back from checking the mail to discover Nate had found his stickers and stuck them all over the hardwoods. He'd also eaten goldfish crackers earlier. Well, he ate at least one cracker, the rest he pounded to smithereens with his trains, while shouting "Oh NOOOOOOO, run! Run, fishy, ruuuuuuun! Traaaaaaaaaaain!"...*SMOOSH*

So there were crumbs everywhere so the stickers were coated in goldfish dust and wouldn't stick to the floor. For once happy the floor was dirty with food crumbs, I got on my hands and knees, picking stickers off the floor, feeling lucky because he went through about 10 sheets, and even peeled the sticker borders off the backing, tore them to tiny shreds, and stuck those on the floor too. I figured while I was down there, I may as well pull all of the trains, cars, blocks and a long lost pacifier from beneath the desk. A few dust bunnies came out with it. I didn't realize Nate was standing behind me, wide-eyed over the discovery of his missing red 'yet' (his word for pacifier) and the red one is his absolute favorite. He gasped and yelled "Red Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaht!"

Before I could grab it, he snatched it from the pile of rubble and popped it into his mouth....grimaced...then pulled it right back out.

The culprit: Dirt.

Nate has this thing about lint, dirt, crumbs, and hair, especially hair. If any of those things get in his mouth, he will walk up to me, gagging and pathetic, and say "Haaaaa" (hair) then sticks his tongue out really far for me to remove the offending element. I generally keep his old infant washcloths handy for such removal, since they have no lint, and I have a bazillion of them. And I can't believe I'm sharing this, but in a pinch, I use the inside of my sleeve. I hate doing it, but there is a time issue. If he isn't assisted immediately he will most certainly puke. The removal of said elements will make him gag and cough right after but then he's fine.

This time, however, he was gagging much worse than usual. There must have been a whole dust bunny wrapped around that 'yet' because the poor kid was 'glurping' as he gagged. And you know a glurp means there's trouble on the way up. He was trying to say "Hair" but it went a little more like this:

"Haa...gag...glurp...Hhhh-HNGKCHHHH!...H--GAG...HGKKKK!" I remembered he'd just guzzled a full cup of milk... my kid was about to spew milk chunks at me!

No time to get up and rush him to the bathroom...I yelled "STICK IT OUT, MAN!!!!" and pulled my sleeve over my hand to swipe his tongue. But every time he'd stick it out, his gag reflex would kick in and he'd involuntarily pull it right back. AGHHHHH!!! I finally grabbed it with me free hand, and went for a quick swipe with the sleeve...

"GAGGGG....URRRP....GLHRRRRNGKHHHHH"

Oh NOOO! NoNoNoNoNoNooooo...

"BLGLKGKRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRP"

So there I sat, showered with sour, watery milk curds. Not a single drop on Nate. He gulped down some juice and handed me his red yet to clean...said "Sowwy, Ma." and poked his little lip out. Poor kid. If only his lazy mom would vacuum, these things wouldn't happen.

Now, Nate has a new ritual. He makes me inspect every pacifier before he will put it in his mouth. As for me, I hereby declare that Murphy's Law be from now on referred to as Mo's Law. Because Murphy's a wuss. Mo's Law could kick Murphy's Law's ass! Even if blindfolded, broke-footed, and sprayed with skunky cat pee, Mo's Law would win.

Unless Murphy is armed with cockroaches, then all bets are off. Cockroaches are like Mo's Kryptonite.