Fun Things to Do With Vomit. Toddler 101, lesson 2

Hey kids! Wish your parents would let you bring some sand inside to put in your sand bucket?? Of course you do! Well, don't count on it. They're parents, and it's a parent's job to make your life no fun. They are mean and boring. What else are you supposed to do with a sand bucket? And it's just sand after all. What's the big deal?

Well here's a neat new idea for your bucket, and a great way to let your mom and dad know how displeased you are with the "No sand in the house" rule:

You will need your sand bucket, a cup of water, and a clear view of mom and dad. And be sure you've just finished a big dinner...peas are a good idea if you have any. Spinach will make a nice substitute, but any food will do.

Now you're ready!

Step 1. Drink all of the water from your sippy cup in three huge gulps, and be sure to swallow plenty of air with it.

Step 2. Grab sand bucket. (make sure parents are nearby to witness this display of evil genius)

Step 3. Hold it in front of your face.

Step 4. Puke into bucket.

Step 5. Dump vomit out of bucket onto floor.

Step 6. While parents are looking at you in disbelief/, throw bucket across room, and and, with both hands, immediately smear vomit all over freshly mopped hardwood floors.

Step 7. As your mother is leaping across the room toward you, shove vomitty hands into your mouth and grin at her.

Step 8. Give mom a big, open mouthed, slobbery kiss as she drags you off toward the tub.

Step 9. Giggle and splash your mom as she pukes while you celebrate your victory in a sudsy bubble bath.

Great job, Kiddo! That'll teach 'em!