Ever heard the phrase 'misery loves company'?
It's a huge stinking load of crap.
The genius who coined that idiotic phrase has obviously never been pregnant with nausea, backaches, and the urge to pee every two seconds, suffering from the nastiest of sinus infections, at the same time her son battles bronchitis, all the while her husband battles a stomach bug which keeps him puking for days. Misery, meaning me...let me assure you...does NOT love company.
Nope...I'd rather have locked myself in the bedroom and slept away this awful infection, away from EVERYONE. But I couldn't. My husband was too sick to take care of Nate, so I had to...all day...everything he needed. No rest for me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my husband and I hate that he was so sick, but I have felt so bad for weeks with this new pregnancy, and waited with such anticipation for the weekend to get here, so that I could get some rest. Then suddenly we are all stricken with illness last Thursday and Friday. Lovely.
And of course the weekend passes...and on to Monday, everyone is feeling better. Except ME. Perfect. The week passes and the weekend approaches and yep...you guessed it...I'm still feeling absolutely worthless and miserable. Sinus infection still hanging on. I can't sleep because I have pregnancy induced insomnia, and what few minutes I could get here or there are interrupted by a cough equivalent to a 90 year old who smoked five packs a day since she was 6 yrs old. Thanks to the crud that drains down the back of my throat from my sinus cavities every night. And what tiny amount of sleep left after that, is ambushed by the need to pee every hour, increased to a gallon every ten minutes when you factor in the bottles foof water I keep next to the bed at night to stifle that hacking cough and unglue my tongue from the rest of my mouth because I can't breathe through my nose. I have visions of that kid in A Christmas Story every time I wake, thinking "Stuck....STUCK!....STUUUUUUUUCK!" Only my tongue isn't stuck to a flag pole, but my teeth and cheek and the roof of my mouth with what feels like super glue.
And right in the middle of all that, as if that were not enough, nature had to go and throw in some 'morning' sickness. Not the best timing, considering the stuff I'm blowing out of my nose could make even one with the strongest stomach gag and retch over the bathroom sink...and the smell. 'Instant Puke' is what I like to call that smell, because that's what it induces. Funny thing about that smell: I cannot smell a thing right now because of this sinus infection. NOTHING. My poor kiddo poops in his diaper and I'm oblivious. Me. The parent who usually smells the stench of poop from across 2700 sq feet of house and yells "You need to change his diaper...it's making the whole house stink!" while my husband has no idea there is anything in his pants. My nose is that sensitive. While not having to smell poop is a blessing, having to check his diaper every ten minutes, not so much. I can't even smell it WHILE I'm changing it. That's how impaired my olfactory senses are...and I don't need to tell you the power of toddler poo. That can be the smelliest stuff on the planet.
And with smell, goes taste. You can't have one without the other. How cruel is it to take away a pregnant woman's sense of smell? The driving force of a pregnant woman is food cravings. And when a woman gets a craving, God forbid ANYTHING get in her way of that food, because someone could die. And the craving does not pass until it has been satisfied. Nope...it can linger for weeks. And a pregnant woman averages about 10 real craving a day minimum. Raise that to 50 if she watches TV Commercials! I swear restaurants make 99% of their entire earnings off of the cravings of poor unsuspecting TV-watching pregnant women who find themselves driving like starving lunatics, insane and frothing at the mouth, squealing tires into the nearest drive thru to satisfy a craving for the most recent televised snack. The restaurant industry is evil, and it knows our weakness.
Now take those figures for cravings and multiply them by the number of days one cannot acheive that glorious satisfaction, because she can't taste any food...
Ever seen a starving Hyena? I have this feeling that's what I look like. Crazed, snarling, hunched over...taking bites out of everything I have in the kitchen trying to find something, ANYTHING, I can taste. But it doesn't work, so I leave the kitchen with a bigger snarl, claws out, eye-twitching, ready to rip to shreds the first person who mentions food.
Then Nature decided to go and poke at me with a stick. Thursday, while sitting at my computer, I caught the faint whiff of poop when my kid walked by, and nearly killed myself as I leapt from my seat, cheering "I smell POOOOOOOOO! WAHOOOOOOOOO!" It's also warm weather and I have my windows open, so my neighbors probably think I am the most bizarre person on the block after such an incident.
I changed a diaper, washed my hands, then made a mad dash to the kitchen to stuff my face with some gloriously sinful food, only to find that my olfactory powers had kicked in for a mere 2 minutes.
12 days. Almost two weeks without being able to taste or smell anything. It's horrible. Absolutely excrutiating to crave pancakes, or a cheesburger...or even an apple...and bite into it with no flavor at all. Today I made pancakes for Nate and Dan...and I got all excited when I could detect just a hint of maple syrup. But I'm no fool..we'll have to see how lunch goes before I go shouting crazed outburst for the neighbors to hear. Not that I can really do more damage after cheering to the world because I smell poo...
The genius who coined that idiotic phrase has obviously never been pregnant with nausea, backaches, and the urge to pee every two seconds, suffering from the nastiest of sinus infections, at the same time her son battles bronchitis, all the while her husband battles a stomach bug which keeps him puking for days. Misery, meaning me...let me assure you...does NOT love company.
Nope...I'd rather have locked myself in the bedroom and slept away this awful infection, away from EVERYONE. But I couldn't. My husband was too sick to take care of Nate, so I had to...all day...everything he needed. No rest for me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my husband and I hate that he was so sick, but I have felt so bad for weeks with this new pregnancy, and waited with such anticipation for the weekend to get here, so that I could get some rest. Then suddenly we are all stricken with illness last Thursday and Friday. Lovely.
And of course the weekend passes...and on to Monday, everyone is feeling better. Except ME. Perfect. The week passes and the weekend approaches and yep...you guessed it...I'm still feeling absolutely worthless and miserable. Sinus infection still hanging on. I can't sleep because I have pregnancy induced insomnia, and what few minutes I could get here or there are interrupted by a cough equivalent to a 90 year old who smoked five packs a day since she was 6 yrs old. Thanks to the crud that drains down the back of my throat from my sinus cavities every night. And what tiny amount of sleep left after that, is ambushed by the need to pee every hour, increased to a gallon every ten minutes when you factor in the bottles foof water I keep next to the bed at night to stifle that hacking cough and unglue my tongue from the rest of my mouth because I can't breathe through my nose. I have visions of that kid in A Christmas Story every time I wake, thinking "Stuck....STUCK!....STUUUUUUUUCK!" Only my tongue isn't stuck to a flag pole, but my teeth and cheek and the roof of my mouth with what feels like super glue.
And right in the middle of all that, as if that were not enough, nature had to go and throw in some 'morning' sickness. Not the best timing, considering the stuff I'm blowing out of my nose could make even one with the strongest stomach gag and retch over the bathroom sink...and the smell. 'Instant Puke' is what I like to call that smell, because that's what it induces. Funny thing about that smell: I cannot smell a thing right now because of this sinus infection. NOTHING. My poor kiddo poops in his diaper and I'm oblivious. Me. The parent who usually smells the stench of poop from across 2700 sq feet of house and yells "You need to change his diaper...it's making the whole house stink!" while my husband has no idea there is anything in his pants. My nose is that sensitive. While not having to smell poop is a blessing, having to check his diaper every ten minutes, not so much. I can't even smell it WHILE I'm changing it. That's how impaired my olfactory senses are...and I don't need to tell you the power of toddler poo. That can be the smelliest stuff on the planet.
And with smell, goes taste. You can't have one without the other. How cruel is it to take away a pregnant woman's sense of smell? The driving force of a pregnant woman is food cravings. And when a woman gets a craving, God forbid ANYTHING get in her way of that food, because someone could die. And the craving does not pass until it has been satisfied. Nope...it can linger for weeks. And a pregnant woman averages about 10 real craving a day minimum. Raise that to 50 if she watches TV Commercials! I swear restaurants make 99% of their entire earnings off of the cravings of poor unsuspecting TV-watching pregnant women who find themselves driving like starving lunatics, insane and frothing at the mouth, squealing tires into the nearest drive thru to satisfy a craving for the most recent televised snack. The restaurant industry is evil, and it knows our weakness.
Now take those figures for cravings and multiply them by the number of days one cannot acheive that glorious satisfaction, because she can't taste any food...
Ever seen a starving Hyena? I have this feeling that's what I look like. Crazed, snarling, hunched over...taking bites out of everything I have in the kitchen trying to find something, ANYTHING, I can taste. But it doesn't work, so I leave the kitchen with a bigger snarl, claws out, eye-twitching, ready to rip to shreds the first person who mentions food.
Then Nature decided to go and poke at me with a stick. Thursday, while sitting at my computer, I caught the faint whiff of poop when my kid walked by, and nearly killed myself as I leapt from my seat, cheering "I smell POOOOOOOOO! WAHOOOOOOOOO!" It's also warm weather and I have my windows open, so my neighbors probably think I am the most bizarre person on the block after such an incident.
I changed a diaper, washed my hands, then made a mad dash to the kitchen to stuff my face with some gloriously sinful food, only to find that my olfactory powers had kicked in for a mere 2 minutes.
12 days. Almost two weeks without being able to taste or smell anything. It's horrible. Absolutely excrutiating to crave pancakes, or a cheesburger...or even an apple...and bite into it with no flavor at all. Today I made pancakes for Nate and Dan...and I got all excited when I could detect just a hint of maple syrup. But I'm no fool..we'll have to see how lunch goes before I go shouting crazed outburst for the neighbors to hear. Not that I can really do more damage after cheering to the world because I smell poo...
posted by Mo at 11:55 AM
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